Spiceomancy: d100 Titles (+vampire class redux)

Irina Weber

Titles are the loot of social climbing.

More titles improve your chances of being taken seriously by the upper class. Alternatively, consider pairing these with an XP reward, like a +0.1x multiplier. I've been playing a lot of Balatro.

All titles merit nobility. Even the lowest titled beast is in higher standing than the untitled man.

The Visuffragan of Fain manages the Fain Decapitorium. This title is appointed by the Archdeacon of Prithaca.
The Canonic Chair may enter any decapitorium, and oversees transfers between decapitoriums. This title is thrust upon the first person the Pope sees on New Years Day.
The Wizard-Elect manages the Nirbarber Woods, and can speak to trees (as a diplomatic liaison). This title is appointed by a unanimous vote by any eight wizards. There can be multiple Wizard-Selects at once, but they are very rare.
The High Cruelty of Nirnod decides the punishment for all crimes committed in Nirnod, but not the verdict. This title is pilfered back and forth by fairies.
The Jagirdar of Baruday governs the Eastern colony of Baruday. This title is traded around like a stud horse.
The Lord-Praetor of Prithaca may sentence any person not belonging to a House to immediate beheading. This title is wielded by whoever holds the Old Conqueror's Axe.
The Lance of Rasborough governs Rasborough. Also, any boat they set foot on immediately sinks. This title is hereditary.
The Rig Nagheal may find what is concealed (1-in-6). This title must be claimed in ritual combat.
The Grand Ealdorman of Chene governs Chene, and collects the Western sea toll. This title belongs to whoever owns the biggest, fanciest boat in Chene.
The Jonkheer of Thorn may freely ignore all rules of etiquette, to everyone's amusement. This title is given to the ninth child of each major family. There are three Jonkheers of Thorn in the city of Eldon alone.
Elephant Jack is heavier than mercury. This title is infectious and airborne.
The Half-Chair of the Barycenter mediates discourse between the Crown Universities of the Mything Isles. This title is handed down by the previous Half-Chair, as part of their estate.
The Lord of Flies is trailed by filth and vermin. Also, they cannot be bitten by vermin of any size. This title is venereal.
The Voivode of Kras-Carpathia governs the Southern colony of Kras-Carpathia. This title is frequently used as a poker stake.
The Orc of York can eat stones as easily as onions. This title is buried somewhere in the Addy salt marshes.
The Free Lord of Acraon has no special rights. This title is redistributed every four years by an all-male, all-Northman electorate.
The Principal Lord-Investigator of Cryptoexplosion knows the location of all impact sites in the Doggerlands. This title is hereditary.
The Subdomnitor of Oledea manages the Grand Prittic Hippodrome. This title is appointed by the Domn of Oledea.
The Vizier of Skeleton governs Skeleton. This title belongs to the oldest local man of noble blood.
The Eldon Superprebendary manages the Eldon Decapitorium. This title is appointed by the Pope's five capricious daughters.
The Headwarden of Rhayadder governs the city of Rhayadder. This title is anti-hereditary: it cannot be held by a member of House Rhayadder.
The Lord Moderator of Parliament may bring weapons into the House of Lords. This title is hereditary. There are eight families of Lord Moderators, of which only five remain in noble standing. There must be an even number of Lord Moderators in the House of Lords at all times.
The Count of Thane may hunt any animal, even royal crocodiles. This title is bickered over by the minor houses of Thane.
The President of New Axmouth governs New Axmouth, has a magnificent moustache, and can get divorced as he pleases. This title was invented whole cloth.
The Leastalder of Fyrstrond is the only vampire with legal rights. This title is bestowed by a pair of immortal, eugenics-obsessed ravens.
The Transbrasilian Skartabel may detain ships to search for stowaways. This title is a reward for killing ninety-nine anticolonialist guerrillas.
The Andriana of Freeport governs the Western colony of Freeport. This title is a white elephant gift.
The Summershy Dauphin rightfully rules the frozen eskerfeld. Anyone who claims this title is lying.
The Esoteric High Justice of Yam and Yassa may read your mail and name plagues. This title is synthesized from two lesser titles.
The Graf of Mania governs Mania, and guards the last Book of Certainties. This title is appointed by any council comprised of four angels.
The Vermillion Dragon has an incurably toxic bite and a gizzard full of plagues. This title passes to the closest person at time of death.
The Despot of Alex manages the Alector Decapitorium. This title is appointed by the Archdeacon of Inches.
The Regalia Cosmogonica can touch ghosts with their bare hands. This title is shared by five brothers.
The Seedmaster of Axhead manages and maintains all the traps in the Tomb of Shesedd. This title is hereditary.
The Burgomaster of Herwerburg controls the nation's supply of gooseberries. This title is hereditary, and highly coveted: the last two Burgomasters were poisoned.
The Daimyo of New Eldon governs the Northern colony of New Eldon. This title is perpetually unwanted.
The REDACTED Prefect of ALSO REDACTED is forever hunted by a great green hound. This title belongs to whoever says three times in full.
The First Selectman of West Ordea can taste the difference between truth and lies. This title fell off the back of a truck.
The Marquess of Gwynnax may rightfully halt and search any warships in their harbor. This title is hereditary, but it skips a generation.
The Transantillian Saltigue may detain ships to confiscate cursed idols. This title is a reward for killing ninety-nine anticapitalist gorillas.
The Viceroy of Broug am Langotep appoints the knights of the Valley of 101 Knights. This title belongs to whoever owns the Censer of Long Sunsets.
Smoke Eyes Jack is possessed of an eight foot vertical leap. This title belongs to a desperate rake, hanged in a chimney.
The Whipplewal Beholder has additional eyes inside their head. This title belongs to the wife of Lord Whipplewal; he is currently married to a full-rigged clipper ship.
The High Fon of Badasqua may walk freely in the tombs of the Flying Kings. This title is hoarded by the Baron of Fend.
The Vidame d'Algodoré may challenge any man to oil wrestle, and mock them freely if they refuse. This title belongs to whoever owns the largest orchard in Algodoré.
The Laederlly Princess cannot be harmed by knights. This title is passed with a kiss.
The Grandarch Bishop of the Decatomb cannot escape the Decatomb. This title can be appointed by any pair of bishops.
The Earl of Bellend is the butt of every joke. This title is hereditary.
The Greenblood Knight defends the autumn harvest of East Blarsbury. This title is handed out by a well-meaning brownie.
The Two Star Fidalgo leads the Band of Grey on countryside raids. This title can only be stolen, blatantly and publicly.
The Mayor of Horse Town governs Horse Town. This title is headstrong and difficult to tame.
The Haggerdy Giant is 10 feet tall. This title is predatory and cannibalistic: it will eat your other titles.
The Vava of Mur may slander freely, but never libel. This title is half of a greater title, split to satisfy twin inheritors.
The Steward of Griffin can ride a fucking griffin. This title is appointed by the griffin.
The Seneschal of Heropolis lays claim to the sunken city of Heropolis. This title was sold to pay off gambling debt.
The Horus commands untitled peasantry with their honeyed voice. This title went down with the HMSS Mesektet.
The Magistrate of Scales regulates the alligator trade. This title costs an arm and a leg.
The Saraddic Honor Guard is infertile. This title is appointed by some shadowed arm of the royal advisory board.
The Primor of Falnod may enter, but never settle within, the ruins of Falnod. This title is hereditary and exclusively female.
The Behir of Caero is preferentially struck by lightning as if they were a 40 metre tree. This title is appointed by snakebite.
Ferryman Jack can sail on cobblestones and packed earth. This title belongs to a destitute widower, drowned in a sewer.
The Dvoryanin of Answer governs the Southern colony of Answer. This title was forgotten in a coat closet.
The Ruby Patriarch may duel 2v1 with a partner. This title is elected by a congress of gnomes and gnome allies.
The Baronet of Dallax may rightfully halt and search any peaceships in their harbor. This title is rotated amongst a council of wealthy jingoist sub-baronets.
The Innocence of Karnassisy can speak with fish. This title is locked up behind decades of dense legalese.
The Heer of Elmo's Look can see clearly thru night and mist. This title must pass to one with an incredibly long beard.
The Elder Provost of Sersy taxes all mediums, soothsayers, and oracles on the River Thorn. This title is hereditary.
The Swerdar Supreme is claimant to all existing swords. This title is firmly embedded in the Stone of Carre-Gleddy.
The Viceroy of Yessex owns all the gunpowder in Saxony. This title is appointed by the Duke of Saxerblud (at gunpoint).
The Vec of Nefyrwalia is haunted by unicorns. This title passes by beauty pageant.
The Zamindar of Jakob is the only king to the Jacobites. This title is the grand prize of a high profile pétanque tournament.
The High Architect of Gods-Head conducts the rites of Samhain. This title is appointed by the nepotistic ghosts of past High Architects.
The Jack of Spades has an extendable snake-like neck and a leech for a tongue. This title belongs to an unmarried woman quartered by pagans.
The Viking of Axmouth governs Axmouth. This title belongs to a well-groomed diocesan with a forked tongue and perfect pitch.
The Black Laird of Dioncalad sits on the throne of Dioncalad. This title passes by injury.
The Terror of Sceolan taxes the mountain-men of Ben Gae. This title is a generational curse.
The Lord Hybenser defies the Terror of Sceolan. This title is elected by the mountain-men.
John Kenneth governs the town of Kenneth. This title is bought and paid for by Big Alchemy.
The Gahara of Far Salat governs the Northern colony of Far Salat. This title is currently on loan as a security deposit.
The Greenwarden of Allyn decides the first day of Summer. This title is appointed by the Bluewarden of Sargassy, in the Spring.
The Head Dogesh of Llyn-on-Ra collects the tithe along the river Radu. This title is appointed by divine miracle.
The Polar Jathedar leads the Army of Night on mountain raids. This title must change hands in secret; publicly, the Jathedar is considered an immortal.
The Exsalaria Fleet Sous-Admiral writes permits for expeditions beyond the Held Sea. This title belongs to the son of the current Second Sea Lord.
Samurai Jack has a venomous sword in his belly button. This title belongs to a sailor keelhauled for 200 years.
The Rig-a-Ruddy-Titim rules the town of Ruddy, and is particularly flammable. This title is elected by the elder Rudds.
The Troll of Ornod owns the world's largest (depleted) gold mine. This title passes by predation.
The Atabeg of Yeriyeri governs the eastern colony of Yeriyeri. This title is easily forgotten.
The Supermechanic manages the largest clock tower in Eldon. This title passes based on IQ score.
The Aberthorn Gentleman oversees the Aberthorn Decapitorium. This title is appointed by the High Serene Grace, who has lapsed into an entirely unbureaucratic coma.
The Little King of Axtree can summon a fox with a yipe. This title is hereditary, except it passes horizontally to the youngest sibling.
The Chancellor of Masks organizes the Royal Debut, and must always smile. This title is elected by a council of child princes.
Kyleigh's Hound can't enter any church. This title is hereditary. Rumor holds it once belonged to an actual hound.
The Antechancellor of Nefton is permitted use of the scale that measures souls, mostly for special occasions. This title cannot pass to a more evil person.
The Infante of Clef Fan governs the isle of Clef Fan. This title can only pass into the hands of a foreigner.
The Subvisor of Radutree has a legendary green thumb. This title is deathly afraid of fire.
The Prince of Kemp governs the township of Kemp. If this title is lost, two more grow back in its place.
The Doctor of High Occultronics publishes the monthly Occultronica. This title is awarded at the end of a grueling eight year graduate program.
The Ruby Matriarch must duel 1v2 against all challengers. This title is bestowed by a chorus of angels.
The Lowest Dragon can speak with snakes, as a diplomat. This title belongs to a man with no limbs whatsoever.
Our Lady of Seams governs the city of Seams. This title can speak. It is stubborn, particular, elitist, and openly ambitious. It likes ball gowns and extremely embarrassing public displays of affection.

You can also use this table as a list of weird people to meet at a dinner party.

Hereditary titles care about blood more than parentage. This makes vampires very adept social climbers.

Irina Weber

VAMPIRE (redux) Start with: Flawless black cloak; duelist’s sidearm; friends in low places. ~~+1 Cuck Save per template~~ A - +2 Chthonia, Blood of the Earth, Invitation B - Fascinating, Immune to charms C - Drink Deep D - Beloved by Sheep, Lunacy
Δ - Discerning Taste

Chthonia
Manifestations of your dark and mysterious origins. Choose or roll for two traits at A.

You see perfectly through 30' of darkness, smoke, dark water, and dramatic fog.
Every season, a d4 HD vampire-hunter shows up in town to kill you.
You always appear in a cloud of dramatic fog.
You can see through paintings of yourself.
If you grab someone by the back of their neck, you can make them say anything you want in their voice. This works even if they're unconscious.
When you die, a giant crow arrives to take your body somewhere else.
Old age slides off of you like water.
You can detach your head, roll it around, and reattach it.
All undead regardless of origin treat you the way you deserve to be treated – like royalty.
You have no bones. You can squeeze thru any space larger than a banana.
With a taste of someone's blood, you can peek into their future and receive a one word omen.
You can take the form of your House's heraldic beast. (For Norbury, a wolf; for Sardon, a bee; etc. etc.)
You can't be harmed by man-made flames, but direct sunlight burns like wildfire.
Choose a nonsense word. When you fool someone into repeating this nonsense word, you steal their name. A stolen name works like a crude disguise: you will appear as that person at first blush, but interrogation may reveal you.
Wherever you live for more than a season, the local crop withers and dies.
Magic treats you as if you were a medium-large rock instead of a person.
Those you've fed upon turn impotent.
You can drink blood thru your hair.
You can click your heels to bury yourself six feet under loose soil. You fall into it like water.
When the moon is full, you can attack an additional time per turn, but all creatures appear to you as fanged creatures of the deep dark.

A: Blood of the Earth
You are a vampire, with the following effects:

You consume blood instead of food.

The average hireling contains 5 rations of blood. Losing 1 tires them; losing 2 exhausts them; and losing 3 or more kills them.
Liquid blood rations are fragile and 3x as heavy as normal rations.
You can eat normal food (to maintain appearances, or enjoy the flavor), but don't digest it.

Your bite deals d4 damage, increased by one die size each (d4 → d6 → d8 → d10 → d12) if your target:

...is physically smaller than you.
...is sexually or romantically involved with you.
...is indebted or subservient to you and/or your House.
...trusts you completely, in this exact moment.

There's a heavy, blood-soaked corundum jewel where your vital organs should be.

Vampirism is punishable by death, but this rarely applies to the rich and powerful. Maintain plausible deniability, and the Church will leave you alone. Hunt your impoverished kin, and they'll reward you.

A: Invitation
You can’t cross a threshold without being invited in.

You are invited to every major ceremony, celebration, and public event larger than 50 people.

B: Fascinating
You have a stat called Fascinating, which starts at 2. Whenever you befriend a significant NPC or woo a lover, increase your Fascinating stat by 1.

When speaking privately with an NPC, you may reveal a dire secret (yours or theirs) to roll 1d6. If the result is less than or equal to your Fascinating stat, you charm that NPC, and then reduce your Fascinating stat by the amount rolled. (Charming people does not increase your Fascinating stat.)

Charmed NPCs trust you and consider you a friend.

You can do this to PCs as well provided you get consent from their player beforehand.

C: Drink Deep
You can drain any container of blood in seconds, with the following effects:

Your bite deals double damage dice to unsuspecting targets.
You are immune to the negative effects of drinking any blood type, including poison, alcohol, and molten lead.
You can suck the gas out of an automobile, suck the honey out of a hive, suck the sea water out of a drowning sailor’s lungs…
You can slowly exsanguinate someone who trusts you completely to turn them into a vampire. This process takes an hour of complete silence. If interrupted, your victim has a 5-in-6 chance of dying if you don't complete the process.
You can drain a tree of sap to create a Hollow Ash, wherein a monster will soon take up residence.

Also, each ration of blood you consume instantly restores 2 HP.

D: Beloved by Sheep
When you enter a scene, if it is nighttime or sufficiently overcast, you charm every minor NPC present. This makes you immune to attacks by goons, soldiers, servants, guards, and so on, unless you attack them or their allies first.

D: Lunacy
When the moon is full, characters charmed by you are dominated instead. (They obey your orders, share your opinions, and trust you completely.)

Δ: Discerning Taste
The first time you drink the blood of each of a demon, a giant, a king, and a unicorn, roll on the table of Chthonia and gain the listed trait.

The first time you drink the blood of a wizard with 3 or more MD, you gain +1 MD.

The first time you drink the blood of a dragon, you gain wings of darkness.

william bang
i really like this guy's eyes. like he's apologizing for the mess

* * *

~~Designer Notes~~ NOTES FOR VAMPIRE HUNTERS

Most vampires struggle to survive outside of the social circles they parasitize. They can't travel far without ~~victims~~ accomplices, and they lack real combat options (their bite is mostly a trap). They're very wizardly in that way.

[sidebar: suggesting your own chthonia is good and valid. Vampires are aesthetically eclectic, there should be as many breeds as there are spells]

By C, the vampire's matured. They can sire offspring and summon monsters, turning their domain into a horror movie. They've collected a bunch of weird chthonia. They're entrenched.

D template isn't a capstone so much as it is an in-universe threat. Domination. True mind control. Everyone who knows you're a vampire knows that if they cooperate with you, if they give you an opportunity to charm them, then one day you'll have complete control. Can they trust you not to abuse that power?

The answer is no. Safer to put you down before you fully mature. That's why you need to keep the secret.

You can also play a werewolf with this class, just ignore the implications of being dominated by a wolf