Wednesday, September 16, 2020

5 Sewer Rave-inspired monsters to invite to your rad houseparty

Acquired Sewer Rave in an bundle, and it’s great. There’s something about the discordant rave music, the flat character sprites, the endless teleporting from room to room (all doors, even the ones you just came out of, lead randomly to all other rooms) that's so wonderfully weird.

It sort of reminds me of the “mythic underworld”. Some of the rooms are just tunnels with rats and stinky water, but lots of them are ~special~ or downright batshit, connected to the other rooms not by logic but by association with a goofy, rat-filled, “mythical shithole”.


Possum Queen
HD 2  Defense unarmored  Bite 1d4
Move 25  Int 10  Morale 4
Special speaks with rats

A hairless, bloated possum-human-hybrid, reclining in a pile of trash and wearing a little silver crown. Hangs two different keys around her neck, but will only trade for other unique keys. Loves fruit, disdains gossip, demands respect. Worshipped by rats; if you harm her, be prepared to fight 2d6 rats for every room on this dungeon level.

Hoarding Snake
HD 4  Defense as chain  Bite 1d12
Move 10  Int 12  Morale 6
Special harmless swallow

A massive brown python in a pit full of (illusory) gold. Extremely lethargic, mostly eats greedy humanoids. Hungry, deceitful, and dismissive of anything smaller than her. Complains constantly about the pain of indigestion. Will trade whatever loot the last adventuring party was carrying for meat or companionship. Can hold up to three small humanoids in her gullet harmlessly; a nameless gnome is in there right now, mashing up and cleaning the snake’s food before she swallows it.

The Subway

Not a monster(?), but a room that extends into absolute darkness, impenetrable by torchlight. If you brandish a key, close your eyes, and walk straight into the darkness, you have a 70% chance of finding the matching door at the end of the tunnel, and a 30% chance of finding a totally different, unlocked door at the end of the tunnel. 10% chance the door leads to a lower dungeon level, 5% chance it leads to the surface. Offering a sacrifice to the darkness improves your odds of finding the right door (you’ll hear it eating messily; it sounds like fabric tearing).

HD 3  Defense as leather  Claws 1d6
Move 20  Int 10  Morale 8
Special pocket dimension

Tall anthropomorphic cats with spiral eyes and zero concept of lateral thinking. Pull you into extradimensional mazes to solve puzzles for them, either as a punishment or in trade for something. Solutions to these puzzles are monitored and recorded, then traded between outsiders as currency (basically fantasy bitcoin miner cats). Offer silver tools in trade (silver is an outsider metal), mostly for extremely specific uses like dream extraction and pore filling.

In combat, they’ll try to slap all but one party member into extra dimensional mazes. You can always escape the maze if you have the solution (they don’t make the mazes, just send people into them), but by that time your companion is probably slashed to death. Travel in teams of 1d4+1.

HD 1  Defense unarmored  Bite 1d6
Move 30  Int 14  Morale 2
Special can move through small gaps, repelled by Turn Undead

Appears as a faun with wide eyes and opposable thumbs. Disdains torchlight. Hovers on the periphery of your torch radius, waiting for it to go out. Disintegrates into smoke when cornered/slain, leaving behind a despicable onyx shard which must be consecrated in holy water before the Totekni reforms. Bifurcated lower jaw.

Picks up abandoned loot, so keep an eye on inventory/encumbrance in the deeper levels. The more manufactured goods it picks up, the more human it becomes. Curious and quick to learn. Potentially useful as a native pack mule, although getting the loot back can be tricky. Whispers in the darkness: “share? won’t you? share?”

no description could do justice to stabby possum
no stats, because he'll whup your ass, end of story

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