Class: Phlox's Barbarian. I am entranced by these sorts of meta-projects. It takes a deft hand to leave just enough room for others to explore while also laying a strong foundation for that exploration. I suppose it speaks to Phlox's famed skill as both a gm and a writer.
Dungeon: Loch's Broxon House. & Monsters: Loch's Nasty Customers. & Lore: Loch's Masked Theatre. I fretted over nominating Loch thrice in favor of maximizing the joy I could bring to others, but they're simply built different. Their ability to write 2000 words that feel like 20 speaks to a level of concision and creative horsepower unrivaled in the scene. All of my greatest posts are partial homages to or spiritual descendants of one of theirs. Anyway this is my list so Loch gets 3/7 noms fuck you
Theory: Archon's TBD panic attack. As I hurtle towards 6 years in the blogosphere, I find myself more drawn to posts that feel personal and open, rather than the detached intellectualism I see all over my own work. I don't run games (I write about what it would be like to write them, like an adult) so most theory posts have little relevance to me. This one hit me like a 16 wheeler and left me dead on the pavement. I will certainly continue thinking about it as I run and write in 2026.
Other: Elmcat's Mapping the Blogosphere. The work this project must have taken to assemble astounds me, and the result 1) is beautiful; 2) is really intellectually interesting; 3) makes me treasure the community I am a part of all the more. Thank you all for a great 2025, and here's to another year of hot posts :^)
Each player starts with one (1) ticket, as well as anything you can fit in a suitcase in real life. Yes, you need to actually pack a bag in real life. Anything in your house can come with, provided it fits in the suitcase/backpack/etc. Think it over. Consider taking a picture to refer to later.
If you aren't packed by game start, you start with nothing but the ticket and the clothes on your back.
The Setting
You wake up in Hell.
Hell is a 666 billion ton steam locomotive that just punched a hole thru spacetime. It runs on human souls- you can hear the engine screaming no matter where you are.
Hell is also full of demons and sinners. They're all in high spirits after successfully blowing up the Earth with their giant fucking train.
Demons are lost children transformed by Satan. They are inducted into cruelty by a life in the meat zoo before being assigned as task suited to their new demon physiology. Like Satan himself, they cannot create new things, only corrupt existing ones.
Sinners are honored guests of the big man himself. Hell is not designed to torment them, only contain them (they torment each other plenty). They lack the strength of demons, but are able to create new things (including offspring).
The train is subdivided into cars, each of which contains miles of megastructure bullshit.
Observation Car - Can view all of time and space in the rear view, a retrospective realm full of time-ghosts.
Think Tank - 666,666 psionics stapled together generate
an impenetrable terror forcefield around the train and also wifi.
Occasionally their nightmares manifest physically- three dozen copies of
Jeff the Killer live here and brush each others hair
House of Lucifer - A big azz gothic church-slash-castle belonging to Lucifer
and his favorite sinners. The fallen angels hang out here too (some of
them are maids). It's very, very cold (not as a punishment, but to cool
his massive gaming rig).
Sin City - Lost treasures, cities, labubus, etc. It's Vegas
baby. The plot of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 is playing out here for
eternity- heists, yknow. The stock market here determines the strikingly volatile worth of a human soul.
Baggage Car - An unsorted pile of things demons stole from humanity during the apocalypse. Sin City is built from pieces of the Baggage Car.
Only the strongest, densest demons can survive the gravitational pressures of this car.
Limbo -A grand entrance hall: a train station inside of a
train. Visitors and contract workers appear here. Lorded over by wizard-demons who maintain the summoning circles. The apocalypse was terrible for the local wizard economy.
Troop Sleeper - The zombie armies of Hell (every soldier from all of history) are piled up like cordwood in a dank tomb. Some of
them are awake- they're all intelligent ghouls. They sometimes
sneak out of this car in search of human flesh.
Also, a giant gun turret for
shooting extradimensional squid that get too close to the train
Meat Zoo - The hunting grounds-slash-demon nursery. The
animals here are deformed monsters that crawl out of protein bogs and
prowl thru alien jungles.
Also, a child colosseum where young demons lord-of-the-flies each other for sport and glory
Dream Car - The dream-made-manifest of a very large, very evil psychic
whale (from the Think Tank). Births horrors beyond human comprehension.
Because it's a dream and not a physical car, it can move up and down the
train freely. Demons use it as an elevator.
Space Farm - An infinite corporate backrooms being harvested and processed with heavy machinery. Time and space are stitched into strange shapes on an industrial scale by needle demons.
Locomotive - Fire, steel, coal, fumes. It's hot and horrible,
staffed by the lowest caste of flame retardant demons. Upstart demons get dragged to a giant fridge and frozen. Giant rusty slag pits fueled by souls.
Prow - A guy with a really sharp sword stands here, exposed to the outer dimensions, and cuts thru anything that would stop the train.
(You start in Limbo.)
The Rules
There are four parallel rails, upon which thunder the four trains of the apocalypse, which break the four dimensions of spacetime on their wheels. You can move from one train to another by sleeping or dying; you can only die once per train.
I saw this video about Perfect Draw! and it made me think of King of Games (my beloved). Below is mostly stealing from the former and simping for the latter. (obv I'm not FifthDragon so consider none of this as canon)
Each turn, you may do each of the following, in any order:
Draw from the Kingdom of Duelists. (see below)
Summon a monster from hand. (Higher level monsters require sacrifices.)
Attack with a monster or relic weapon you wield.
Make a Maneuver. Anything that isn't a draw, summon, or attack, including movement, complex tactics, laying traps and casting spells.
Certain classes get special maneuvers: the Duelist can attack a second time; the Cheat can draw a second card; and the Storyteller can summon a warrior spirit directly from the KoD.
The Kingdom of Duelists (omeyocan, lit. duality place) is the very same realm which the gods drew from to play the first game. Drawing from the KoD produces a random card from thin air. There are four ways to shape one's draw:
The gods, being divine, always draw the exact cards they need. Those who approach divinity are those who draw favorably, and vice versa.
One's fate can guide one's hand to draw. When you draw, you may choose to draw from a smaller list defined by your birth sign. The list differs if you are right- or left-handed. (column/row on the big table)
All cards have two faces, the separation of which allows one to draw from the KoD. Most duelists can only draw either chthonic faces or celestial faces (short kings are the former, lanky lords are the latter). Mirror-breakers draw both faces at once, such that the card can be played as either face.
All great duelists have a place in the KoD. This is your palace, and it holds the four cards which make up your soul. These are designed in conversation with the gm, are unique to you, and share a common theme. You can draw a random card from your palace, but it costs 2000LP (you've just removed a quarter of your soul).
(I can't replicate the prose of the other KoG classes so i wont even tryyyyy)
THE CHEAT +1 SKILL and +1 Free Maneuver per Template A: Pot of Greed, Hungry Grave, Cheat B: Ante, Hands Full of Fangs C: Narrow Escape D: Devour
A: Pot of Greed You may draw an additional card as a maneuver.
A: Hungry Grave Whenever you sacrifice or discard a monster, note its name. Each monster you summon has +100ATK and +100DEF for each time you've noted its name this way.
A: Cheat As long as you are unseen to opponents, spectators, and gods alike, you can get away with up to [templates] free maneuvers per round. You can take these on other players' turns, and you can't be challenged or punished for it.
You can't cheat if your opponent is a Storyteller.
B: Ante As one of your free actions, you may pay 2000LP to replace an opponent's draw with a random card from your palace. If they win the duel, they get to keep the card. If you win the duel, the card returns, and you may ask [templates] questions about that opponent and/or their fate.
B: Hands Full of Fangs You may treat your bare hands as relic weapons with ATK equal to the number of cards in your hand times 500.
C: Narrow Escape Once per Season, if you would lose a duel and/or die, you may choose to barely survive instead. Whatever story you come up with to explain how you survived is 100% valid, even if it's complete horseshit.
You can't cheat death if your opponent is a Storyteller.
D: Devour You can eat a card in your hand to permanently remove it from the game. It disappears from all spell lists, never to return.
booster pack :^0
Card Name (Card Type) Effect
Auto-Atlatl (Relic Weapon) Rains spears on foes. Can attack all opponents at once without taking damage back.
Frozen Warrior (Monster - Warrior) A colossal eagle warrior with stone skin. Shackled by ice, it can neither attack nor defend.
Tlatlatepetl (World Transposition) The battle now takes place at the foot of an ever-erupting volcano. Hazards: Choking ash and lava flows. Treasures: The Old Man's Pipe. (Shapes smoke into dreams.)
Change Tactics (Battle Magic) All monsters change from attack mode to defense mode, from defense mode to craft mode, and so on in order. (attack → defense → craft → secret → attack)
Great Migration (Ritual) Banish a dinosaur for 1 round. When it returns, draw and play a world transposition card.
Pale Invader (Monster - Alien) Its powerful ray gun hijacks simple machines to nefarious ends.
Flood (Ritual) Summon all water-aligned monsters from each player's hand.
Many Color Venom (Blessing) Poison a relic weapon.
Guardian of the Pearl Manor (Monster - Cat) Demands sacrifice. When Guardian of the Pearl House is defeated, draw a card of your choice from your palace without paying LP.
Black Earth's Jaws (Trap) Destroy all flightless monsters.
Calendar King (Monster - Wizard) A weak monster who sends monsters of the future to the past, and vice versa.
House of Darts (Trap) Summon two warrior spirits to intercept an attack.
Dueling is a sacred act, echoing the motions of the first game and the forms of the oldest gods. Thus, a duelist has religious and spiritual obligations in addition to sponsorial ones.
To never duel without wager. The Kingdom of Duelists opens only for the promise of sacrifice.
...and opens wider for greater sacrifice. The higher your wager, the more cards you start with in hand and the stronger cards you have access to. You can also raise your wager mid-duel to draw more cards.
The lowest wager is a season of worship-labor (or monetary equivalent: hiring out one's temple duties is common practice amongst the lordships).
The highest wager is one or more pieces of yourself: a card from your palace, body part, or member of your family.
Part of each wager is sacrificed to the gods. The rest belongs to the victor.
To duel on holy days. These are public affairs necessary to the maintenance of the natural order.
It is considered best practice for duels to be very personal, which is why every temple encourages aggression, abrasive personalities, and homoerotic rivalries among their duelists.
To be visible. Duelists are forbidden from dressing subtly, and must be recognizable on sight from their costumes and headdresses.
To maintain (and improve) one's palace.
You can add cards to, improve, and otherwise bling out your soul-palace in a variety of ways. (It's a prerequisite to join certain dueling societies.) Here's four:
Win cards wagered by other players and graft them onto your soul.
Transform cards by fusing, flipping, evolving, time-displacing, transitioning, reflecting, mutating, melting, or otherwise changing a card into another version of itself. When that card returns to your palace at duel's end, you may reject or embrace its new form.
Refine cards with obscene quantities of gold. The Preceptorate knows the alchemical secrets to gilding the soul (resulting in strictly-albeit-marginally better cards).
Eat cards from your own palace. They're gone for good, your soul forever diminished.
These methods are considered evil, gay, posh, and inhuman respectively. You can hack most of them together yourself with the right blend of drugs and meditation.
it is said that without a soul to cling to, one may swim freely thru the Kingdom of Duelists. it is known that those without a soul are burned by the sun, and speak only in savagery.
Armor is not very fashionable. (1DR; -1 to Reaction rolls) The refined adventurer has other options.
Mourning Black - A particular shade for particular occasions. Grief is unavoidable when swaddled in mourning black. All the folk of House Devinsen are required to wear this color in public.
Ensign's Coat - Signed by the Queen herself. No sacred place or disputed territory is off-limits to you.
Top Hat & Tux - +1 extra pocket for each magic trick you know how to do (max +8).
Sensible Swimwear - The bold striped pattern makes it harder for predators to pick a target out of the beachgoing herd.
Savage Mink - In your dreams, this warm winter wear is replaced by a 7' carnivorous mustelid.
Mothwing Cloak - Unlocks the air dash ability.
Living Floral - Sprawled across the head, chest, and shoulders. Requires daily water and sunlight to maintain its color and aroma.
Gothic Dress - Dark, lacey symbol of the Gotlandic warrior. Terrifies Catholics.
Coat of Honors - Military badge mosaic. You can carry (decorative!!!) arms without ruffling any feathers.
Cage Crinoline - Metal support for a wide dome skirt. Can, in a pinch, trap a creature no stronger than a cat.
Cold Crinoline - As above, except it keeps the temperature of any item stored within, and you have to wear long underwear.
Cottagecore Bullshit - Fools the upper and middle class into thinking you are lower class. Doesn't fool anyone else.
Cuirasse-douce - Appears to be armor; is in fact made of beautifully embroidered cloth. In your dreams, the armor is real.
Squirreler's Sleeves - Four secret (unsearchable) pockets, tucked into folds and frippery.
Graduate's Blazer - From Tobias Walnut's School for Sharp-Faced Boys. Alumni are honorbound to assist one another. (Their motto translates to No lad left behind.)
Blood Red Ruff - Antiquated accessory. Puts one in mind of zinnia in bloom. Unfolds into 45' of crimson fabric if you're willing to ruin the outfit.
Inverness Cape - Weatherproof, waterproof, acidproof, bloodproof. Has a dedicated pipe pocket.
Patterned Shawl - As invisibility cloak in rose gardens.
Academy Waistcoat - The armor of the skeptic. (Ghosts avoid intellectuals if they can help it.)
Ancient Robes - A cultural artifact no less than 300 years old, tailored to fit modern sensibilities. Its origin is mysterious, not for lack of historical context, but because the tailor didn't give a hoot.
Additional Accessories
Midnight Sleeves - Shoulder-to-wrist tattoos of the night sky. A useful astrological reference.
Amber Brooch - Some primordial creature is suspended within.
Original MacHotep - A painting folded in the Eastern style into a priceless piece of headwear. Popular with art collectors but not artists.
Ticking Timepiece - Has hands for days, months, years, and centuries. Very heavy.
Chastity Belt - +2 Save to resist temptation. May manifest mild Ψonic abilities.
Pants - Only men wear pants. Thus, anyone wearing pants is a man.
Big Wig - Fashionable to foreigners, vain to locals.
Liquid Lead - For coloring nails, lashes, and lips.
You meet a young Celd on the road, scouting ahead of her clan. She introduces herself as Shan, and says that it was she who built Giant Finger Castle (exactly what it sounds like) together with her brother.
Reasonably suspicious (quite an old castle, that), you ask for her brother's name. She says her brother's name is Hong, and that although he is an effeminate lout, they fought side by side against the giants a few hundred years ago. She then adds that her brother's name is Cairenn, and he is twenty-three and quite handsome if you are interested?
She's not a compulsive liar; you've actually met a remarkably honest Celd! Her name is Dara ap Shan. Her brother is Cairenn ap Shan; Shan and Hong are clan names, passed down from folkloric ancestors. She is not, in fact, 600+ years old-- she's 22. You breathe a sigh of relief. Everything makes sense again.
You and your friends assess the situation and decide to rob her blind. Then she breaks every bone in your arm.
* * *
Celdic heroclans are seminomadic communities of ~60 (30 adults and 30
children) that are simultaneously a singular folkloric hero, specifically an ancestor who
survived the end of the world.
The heroclan is both communal and individual, practical and exalted, at once eking out a living and seeking adventure in the treacherous hintercity.
In the Celdic perspective, this is a form of immortality earned by the City's surviving vanguard. They have earned the right to walk its roads and sample its hunting grounds forever, to see their lineage extend into eternity.
Talking to a Heroclan
For the most part, treat heroclans as rival adventurers. They take a single turn in combat, and speak as a single entity when conversing with outsiders. They tend to travel with eclectic bands of hangers-on and tamed beasts, much like player characters do. (the best way to make a heroclan is to play a solo rpg and see what comes out)
Heroclan duality is context-sensitive: the Celd who is actively representing their clan is their clan, and the clan is the hero, so the Celd is the hero in that context.
A heroclan is not a hivemind. The members are individuals, capable of keeping secrets, forgetting things, getting sick or injured or falling in love, etc. on their own. They can fail to live up to their ancestors. They can forget their roots.
[digression: Clanhood is not a performance, but it does have
performative elements. The ancestors are passed down thru storytelling
tradition; in Shan's case, this is a 14'x24' quilt that depicts his many
exploits. He has a definite character in these stories, and leaning into
that helps lubricate inter-clan relations-- the Hongs would be very
upset if they met up with Shan and found him lacking in courage.]
Being a Heroclan
Heroclans are exogamous, and maintain long-standing relationships with their fellows for marriage and trade.
When many clans come together to accomplish a common goal, it's called a tribe (basically an adventuring party of folkloric heroes, as well as a big and very messy intermingling of Celds).
Heroclans are living, breathing identities: marrying into one makes you part of it, marrying out takes you out of it; they can split in two opposed halves, or fuse with neighbors; they can die, if forgotten.
[digression 2: disrupted oral traditions and demographic collapse can also kill them. Starvation is especially lethal-- as much as they function on storybook logic, heroclans are still subject to the offscreen material reality of being ~60 people]
(Heroclans also have a class, and gain xp collectively, see below)
They can be hunter-gatherers, nomadic pastoralists, and sometimes stationary agriculturalists. If it comes up, there are 1d4-1 births and as many deaths per year.
All of the above is set dressing to justify this generator. It began as a jscript that built interconnected clans of 60+ named npcs (ripping off archon's navigators completely) with extensive family trees, but it had no sauce. So I returned to my favorite mechanic: treating abstract concepts as people.
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